Tonight was just another crazy night. It was full of anger, hatred, confusion, tears, decisions, accusations, etc. But I am still breathing so I guess I am fine. I went outside more than like three times today and just sat there wondering about everything. Wondering how my life feels so fucked up right now. But I can't keep doing this. I am not saying it's not going to hurt everyday because I know it is. I can't tell myself I am going to be over it in one day cause that's impossible. When you love someone as much as I did that shit just doesn't go away. Yes, there is always going to be a part of me that blames myself but then I just have to remember everything I did for him. I need to remember how much I cared and was there and that I am a good person with a good heart. It was said that people come into your life a for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I guess he came into my life for a reason. And i think it was to show me how strong I could be. He was meant to be my first love and heartache. i don't know why but I guess this whole relationship or whatever taught me a lot of things. Now I must learn to stand on my own two feet again. I need to go out into the world and remember that there is some good out there. I was fine before I met him, I can be fine again. I need to show everyone that I am a strong person who cares about everyone and wants nothing more than to make the world a brighter place for everybody.