wow, so how do I even go about summarizing this day. I woke up, took a shower, cried, went with Clare and Jeannie to go tan, and then we met up with Greg and Ofon at pizza hut. Came back to the dorm, cried, chilled in my dorm for a while, cried, then went outside so I could calm down, went for a walk with Ofon, cried, got a surprise that I wasn't expecting, calmed myself down again, kept walking, had a conversation with my sister, saw something again I didn't like, talked to Jerry on the phone, started balling, Ofon told me about a conversation he had and I was like what the hell. You do not even try to tell me stuff. If you want to say something tell me to my face. So of course after a long while of just sitting outside thinking I came back and then Cordel and Eric came to hang out with me for a while. They tried to cheer me up and get my mind off everything. They really did get my mind off it for a while. So I am happy they came over. Then a surprise came on my computer. A few IM's that I just didn't even know what to say to or whether or not to respond. I know in a way some things were right but you know what I just don't care right now. No one is here to stop me or whatever so I am gonna do as I please. It's my life. Anyways so then I was talking to one of my closest friends and they told me about a conversation they had and I was just like what. You cannot go off and blame another person. If anything it was me. I make my choices. Not anybody else. I am sorry that I had to lose a couple of friends throughout this whole mess. I really wish things were different but hey we don't always get what we wish for right. How did things get so fucked up? I am trying to understand, I really am but I guess there is no point in trying to understand anymore. It's over and done with.