August 7, 2006

Just when things seemed to be goin so good I come upon something that just throws me down. I want to know everything, I want to be secure, but what seems to be true also seems to be lies. How do I know what's real? How can someone be so happy yet so scared? God help me!! Show me what's true. My heart had slowly begun to heal from all the past, don't let me build it up only to get broken again. I feel the tears inside caused by the fear, I don't want to cry.....

"A moment too good to be true
A picture too perfect to keep
A feeling too precious to lose
A heart too delicate to give"

August 05, 2006

When will the memories stop or shall I say nightmares. If only they were nightmares. Sometimes I think if I just keep telling myself that it never happened than maybe I'll believe it. I'm tired of feeling this fear, this paranoia. Everytime the pictures start to pop up in my head I want to hide. I begin to think that it's about to happen again. I can lock all doors and still check every 5 minutes to make sure their still locked. Th only question that comes to mind is "Will I ever feel free?"

August 05, 2006 12:05am

How can a person be so happy yet so scared? As my feelings grow stronger my fear only seems to increase. I'm stuck with no clue of what to do. They say "it's better to have loved than to have never loved at all." What about the people who have loved and have felt one of the greatest pains in the world; a broken heart... I had given up on relationships and this miracle called love, this unexplainable thing called a soulmate, partner, ones other half, but as my faith slowly seemed to dim away God brought someone special into my life. I am soooo happy right now but for some reason that only scares me more. It just seems too good to be true. I feel like something is just waiting to snatch it away from me. I've given my love, my heart, my everything before only to be knocked down. Now I've seemed to put a wall up. Keeping myself hidden so that I can escape that pain. I feel so comfortable with him that at times I want to break that wall but then I remember my fear. The other night I was abou to do something more so say something but I stopped myself and left only this phrase replaying in my mind, " a promise too deep!"

An embedded fear stranded
no where to go; too scared to move
reoccuring thoughts made to remember
feelings so deep so soon
All i have is hope
hope that it's not just a dream
hope that it won't get taken away

08/03/06

August 14, 2006

Why is it so hard to see when you have a good person who's worth everything right in front of you, instead we want to reminisce about the past and stay lost and hidden. So many things have happened in my life to cause me to be scared to try, scared to experience what true happiness is. Although I am in a wonderful relationship i can't help to fear what it will lead to. How do I know this is reality and it's not just a dream. how do I know that something won't take it away from me in a heartbeat. He makes me feel so good. He treats me like a queen, like I'm actually worth something. I love waking up in his arms every morning; a perfect way to start the day. I love how we can just talk about so many different things and keep a conversation going. He said the words to me that I constantly repeat to myself. This has to be a dream, it's just too good to be true. I feel like the more happy I get the more scared I get. I am terrified of getting my heart broken. I still manage to hold my wall up though. I want this to work more than anything and I believe the only way that would happen is if we take it day by day and not rush anything.


got this from Marlene, hope she doesn't mind...

“Not every woman wants battle to fight, but every woman yearns to be fought for. She wants to be more than noticed-she wants to be wanted. She wants to be pursued. She wants to be a priority to someone. And her childhood dreams of a knight in shining armor coming to rescue her are not girlie fantasies; they are the core of the feminine heart and the life she knows she was made for.”~ Wild at Heart

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for a guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, “…..that’s her.”


Words couldn't even come close to describing how I feel......just know that I am really happy =)