Complicated
One day I feel like my world has crashed. The next day I am feeling good. I think my life in general is just so complicated. From my family to school to my friends to love. Everything is confusing. But it's moments like these that remind me that hey I am still alive. I am okay. Words might hurt, memories can keep appearing, and problems can keep arising, but God will always pick me up and help me move on.
Today has just been getting better as time passes. I went over to Marlene's and ate lunch with her and then we met up with Matt at Rudder to watch Fade to Black. It was alright. I expected more from it though. Afterwards we all went our seperate ways. I came back and watched the spurs game, which I have to say that they won (of course). Tomorrow the sixers play, hopefully they pull off another win. I started cleaning up today. Mainly packing. My desk is pretty much empty already. There is only one drawer with things in it. I took down the sayings in my room and other little things. I have so much to do this week. It's gonna be so hectic. These next two weeks should fly by really fast. I can't wait. I am so anxious for this semester to be over already. This was definitely not a good semester. Too much shit went on. I really hope the summer has a lot of good things in store for me. I am looking forward to it. Things with my family are okay now. My brother finally moved to Victoria and his wife and kids should be there tomorrow. I hope when i finally get settled in houston I will be able to have my babies for a weekend or two. I love kids soooo much. I miss all my nephews. As for everything going on with my friends I guess I can say they are alright. Some hard feelings here and there but maybe in time they will all be resolved. At least that's what I am hoping for. School is going alright. I got a 93 in my project for PLAN and an 84 on my last exam. I really need to start studying though. I should be going to the SCC tomorrow at around noon so that I can get some studying done before the game. Okay nevermind the game is at 12. I will study afterwards. Then I need to finish cleaning up. Tomorrow shall be a LONG day.
My thoughts have been revolving around how things are in my life and what I need to change. There are certain things that need to be cut out of my life. Everything that influences negative things such as drinking and smoking. I am trying my best to stay away from it. I miss the closeness between me and my family so I plan on fixing that. Hopefully, it will be fixed this weekend. As far as things with me personally and emotionally I have been doing alright. I've learned to cope with the way things are. I know that I must let fate take its course and not try to force things. If it happens it happens. Only my angels and my God know what's in store for me. I really don't know what is with me right now. I have this smile on my face and this unexplainable feeling. I just feel totally relaxed and don't have a single thing to worry about right now. Nothing bothers me. Maybe this is a new start, who knows. I have been trying to get pass this starting line for the past couple of months maybe I finally heard the shot that's telling me to go. I sit here thinking about my grandmother and my aunt and I can't help but miss them soooo much. I remember just sitting there with my grandmother in her hospital bed and her just telling me so many different things. But the one thing that I will always remember is holding her hand and then realizing that I got my hands from her. Then as I remember my aunt I remember visiting her while she was laying in her bed. She was crying because she knew it was almost time. Every word that she said to me has stuck in my head. She told me what a beautiful and sweet person I was and that my mother was so lucky to have me. Now I hear those words in my head and wonder what happened to that person. To that sweet and pure child whom everyone loved. Just because something was stolen from me doesn't mean I had to let my goodness and happiness go as well. As of right now I know I have let my grandmother and my aunt down. They are watching me from heaven and I can picture them being disappointed in me and I don't want that anymore. I want them to look at me and remember how proud they were of me. Remember the girl whom they were proud to call their grandaughter and niece. Let's see if that person can come back. As of this point I must start new. And I mean it. Things have to get better. Everything needs to be refreshed. Especially trust......
Today has just been getting better as time passes. I went over to Marlene's and ate lunch with her and then we met up with Matt at Rudder to watch Fade to Black. It was alright. I expected more from it though. Afterwards we all went our seperate ways. I came back and watched the spurs game, which I have to say that they won (of course). Tomorrow the sixers play, hopefully they pull off another win. I started cleaning up today. Mainly packing. My desk is pretty much empty already. There is only one drawer with things in it. I took down the sayings in my room and other little things. I have so much to do this week. It's gonna be so hectic. These next two weeks should fly by really fast. I can't wait. I am so anxious for this semester to be over already. This was definitely not a good semester. Too much shit went on. I really hope the summer has a lot of good things in store for me. I am looking forward to it. Things with my family are okay now. My brother finally moved to Victoria and his wife and kids should be there tomorrow. I hope when i finally get settled in houston I will be able to have my babies for a weekend or two. I love kids soooo much. I miss all my nephews. As for everything going on with my friends I guess I can say they are alright. Some hard feelings here and there but maybe in time they will all be resolved. At least that's what I am hoping for. School is going alright. I got a 93 in my project for PLAN and an 84 on my last exam. I really need to start studying though. I should be going to the SCC tomorrow at around noon so that I can get some studying done before the game. Okay nevermind the game is at 12. I will study afterwards. Then I need to finish cleaning up. Tomorrow shall be a LONG day.
My thoughts have been revolving around how things are in my life and what I need to change. There are certain things that need to be cut out of my life. Everything that influences negative things such as drinking and smoking. I am trying my best to stay away from it. I miss the closeness between me and my family so I plan on fixing that. Hopefully, it will be fixed this weekend. As far as things with me personally and emotionally I have been doing alright. I've learned to cope with the way things are. I know that I must let fate take its course and not try to force things. If it happens it happens. Only my angels and my God know what's in store for me. I really don't know what is with me right now. I have this smile on my face and this unexplainable feeling. I just feel totally relaxed and don't have a single thing to worry about right now. Nothing bothers me. Maybe this is a new start, who knows. I have been trying to get pass this starting line for the past couple of months maybe I finally heard the shot that's telling me to go. I sit here thinking about my grandmother and my aunt and I can't help but miss them soooo much. I remember just sitting there with my grandmother in her hospital bed and her just telling me so many different things. But the one thing that I will always remember is holding her hand and then realizing that I got my hands from her. Then as I remember my aunt I remember visiting her while she was laying in her bed. She was crying because she knew it was almost time. Every word that she said to me has stuck in my head. She told me what a beautiful and sweet person I was and that my mother was so lucky to have me. Now I hear those words in my head and wonder what happened to that person. To that sweet and pure child whom everyone loved. Just because something was stolen from me doesn't mean I had to let my goodness and happiness go as well. As of right now I know I have let my grandmother and my aunt down. They are watching me from heaven and I can picture them being disappointed in me and I don't want that anymore. I want them to look at me and remember how proud they were of me. Remember the girl whom they were proud to call their grandaughter and niece. Let's see if that person can come back. As of this point I must start new. And I mean it. Things have to get better. Everything needs to be refreshed. Especially trust......
posted by btefulsmile at 3:13 AM
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