Things haven't been goin all too well but I'm hangin in there. I got to spend the whole day with my baby yesterday which felt so good. I miss him so much and i hate all this long distance shit. I can't wait till he moves down here. It might be a while though but if it's truly meant to be then we can make it through. We've stayed good this long I just pray to God it stays strong. I am suppose to be goin to my brother's for Easter and meet up with my parents and my sis and her husband. I am so nervouse cuz my baby is goin wit me and my parents have never really met any of my boyfriends. hopefully it all goes good. I got a lil bullshit job but it ain't gonna pay the bills so I'm considering getting another job. =S I know it will be a heavy load but whatever other choice do i got. I have such a habit of killing time. I need start using my time more wisely and get back on trap. No more bullshitting this semester. Just a month and a half to go. I can do this. and then here comes summer...... Oh well, i'll be alright. Time to do this!!!!


Here we go....

Well guys I'm okay. Even though that was the most horrible experience i've ever gone through i'm still here. I can't believe I actually made it through. It was all thanks to God's strength and the prayers of my friends. Thank you everyone who was there for me especially my lil sis. She was there throughout the whole time. I love ya tons and will always be grateful to you.

Top three songs of the night:

Jesus take the wheel - Carrie Underwood
God Bless the Broken Road - Rascal Flatts
Skin - Rascal Flatts

Jesus Take the Wheel

So I woke up with tons of pain once again and told myself I had to go to the doctor. I had to find out why my results came out bad. Well I got there, the doc sat me down, explained to me what was going on and all I could do was sit there speechless.......that wasn't the end. They needed more tests so there i went to the damn basement again. Needles....I am getting tired of them. I go back up to the doctor only to have to see another needle waiting for me. It was a shot for the pain. Now that was one needle I didn't mind. So I laid there in silence thinking to myself what next. Then she walks in with the new test results. You would think i would finally hear the words "the tests came out fine". yea right...not my luck. Turns out I'm anemic. That was unexpected but it explained the tiredness and weakness. but of course that's not the end. I have to go back tomorrow to get another test done to make sure i don't have apendicitis. That would totally push it if the test came out positive. I mean seriously i am already sick, i have a cyst, i'm anemic, and to add apendicitis to that would just be horrible. i do not want surgery. that is the last thing i need. i am in so much pain =( i wanna go home......

Things are just slowly goin down hill for me. hopefully they'll start to pick up soon. I am so tired. I want to go to sleep. and i feel so sick. I can't wait till this week ends



Probably wouldn't be this way.....

God bless the broken road

After that lil emotional breakout i went through the last time i wrote i was doin fine. Things were good. I was focusing on school. I spent time with my babe. Relaxed for a day. I mean wow i had nothing to complain about except for my damn cysts. but i am use to the pain. They are just gettin really bad though. I'm gettin scared =( . Well like i said things were good then here goes hell......

• certain people are lookin for me and i'm not just talkin about friends or family. (big trouble and really scared)
• test results for my cysts just came back and they didn't come out good. (plz don't let me have to get surgery ;(
• my grandmother whom i love so so dearly and am really close to was in the hospital for almost a week cuz of low blood pressure. (not good, i need to go home)
• my damn money hasn't gone in my account so i haven't paid my rent and it was due fri (damn those late fees and my bank >(
• my sis and dad got in a huge fight, mom cried, i cried because she was crying, dad's all depressed (i don't even know wut to say......)
• I'm failing two classes (not cool at all)
• I miss my baby.....
• AND I AM IN SOOO MUCH DAMN PAIN!!!!!!!!!

So there you go, that's tha deal with me. how i still wake up in the morning is a surprise!!!

Somethings wrong and i don't know what. All i know is that i am hurting and that i have tears in my eyes. I am scared. I want to cry. I want to hide. What the hell is wrong with me..... I want to be alone, wait no i don't. or should I. I need something. no i don't. I want it. Damn wtf is wrong.....


I've started things that i should've stayed away from, now I can't stop......what have i done....

Patience is a virtue.......

I've noticed how I jump to conclusions right away and how my mind just seems to wonder and freak out. terrible i know. but i think i've just been hurt too much that i don't let my guard down. i can't let it down. no way. no how. i am getting kinda nervous cuz my new man is really taking my mind away. but i can do this. I keep learning new things as i go through relationships and i think this one will go well, at least i hope so. he is such a charmer and wow, i mean really wow. i cant even explain it. he is good at like EVERYTHING and he is sweet, a gentlemen, smart, funny, cute, ah and the list does go on!!!! =D okay i'll stop now. lol. time to go.

B.T.H.O of TU!!!!!!!!