Wow, and to think i had begun a good sleeping schedule, tsk tsk tsk. I stayed up chatting till 4:30am last night and now i am at it again. My momma would kill me if she knew I was getting off my sleeping schedule again. ahh, actually i think she already knows =S Oh well, I'll get my beauty sleep soon. I am pretty sure once school starts I'll get back on it especially with a job now. Working and goin to school. Let's see how this works out. I think i'll be fine.

Some things have been really hard lately but I am keepin my faith. I know God is with me and his angels are protecting my family. I don't know how we are gonna get through this but I am praying that we do.

I finally finished all my work for my medical terminology class. YAY!!!!!!!! and i got an A. =) Let's hope i do good on the final. =/ I think i will. Now to finish my work for my other class. I'll take care of that this weekend. Of course after i do a few certain things that are on my agenda =) I am so lookin forward to these next couple of weeks. i cant wait. Well i better get to bed. Goodnight =)

These past couple of days have been really good. I had some money yesterday and early in the morning I saw that the Supply for Students concert was last night so I bought some school supplies and took my parents to the concert. Isaiah went with us also but of course he was completely bored. Me on the other hand absolutely loved it. OMG. Solido, Roy Martinez, Joe Lopez, and Jimmy Gonzalez, so much more but these were the good one =). I totally enjoyed myself and it was worth the ten dollars i had to pay to get in. It was also about spending time with my parents before i left. I hadn't done something with them in a loonnnggg time. and they haven't gone out in forever also because of all the financial problems so i thought it would be nice to take them. Afterwards, me and my mom got some drinks and came back home and played cards and monopoly. That was a lot of fun. =) I am glad we had some mother and daughter time.

Today was so much fun, well the night was. The day was just about relaxin. I got to doin my work and doin stuff online. I had the funniest conversation. that totally got me in a good mood. then I had a blast about what me and ashley were talking about. OMG. totally funny. Then i got a surprise that made my night. Thank you God. I dont know what i did to deserve such a good night, but hopefully i keep it up =)

Anyways lets see some quick updates:

Moving back to CS on the 11th instead of the 12th
Going to CS on the 4th and 5th
Going to Seaworld some time soon, at least that's the plan
Making plans to go to houston to look for some wedding things, probably not till mid-august
Gonna start packing this weekend
EXTREMELY IN A GOOD MOOD RIGHT NOW =), but you kind of know that already =p

I know there is more but i can't think of everything right now. Oh well, i guess i'll have to post that later.

Time for changes....

Talk about the crazyness of the love world. Seriously doesn't it drive you crazy that when you want someone nobody comes yet all of a sudden so many appear and it's like ahhhh only one at a time please. lol. so much fun though =p
(sorry if that sounded a lil stuck up)

Hmm...lets see if i wanted to summarize today in a sentence or key words i would have to say it was a day filled of fun, love, family, smiles, relaxation, some sadness but not to a point of driving me crazy, and peace. But I guess I can go into some detail. haha. I woke up, took a self study test, ate breakfast with my family, did a workout, did some chores, took a shower and relaxed for a couple of hours. Then I got to spend the rest of the night with all three of my nephews. OMG. they are sooo adorable. I love kids. They are getting so big I am gonna hate not being able to see them as often when I leave. After they left my mom and sis wanted me to watch the movie Cellular, i think that's what it's called so I did. It was a good movie, I liked it.


I hope everyone is doin good and having fun in these last few weeks of this dramatic summer haha. I know one of my good friends is having fun right now. I am sooo jealous of him. I wish I could be in Arizona visiting. Maybe one of these days, who knows.

Well I gotta get my beauty sleep you all so goodnight and sweet dreams. Love ya lots, Remember to always smile =)

(1 week and doin good, let's hope I keep it up)

Everything has been goin good. Small annoying things here and there but I haven't let it get to me, yet. Let's see how long that last. Today I went downtown with my sis and mom to get some stuff for the wedding which included a bit of shopping as well =). Just a few little things for me to take with me. Ashley told me today that she was gonna start packing next week to start getting everything together so I guess I better start doin the same. I already made a list of things I gotta get and do.

why am I so scared to be who I am. It's like deep down inside I know myself, I know how I think, I know what I want, I know what I feel, but I am scared to show it. I looked at my life today and I thought, wow I am really lucky. I have parents who love each other and have been there for one another through everything. I have siblings who want the best for me. And I have three handsome nephews that love me and look up to me. I have family and friends who believe in me and have faith that I will succeed. So where does this doubt in myself come from. Where does this need to hide arise from. I am barely starting to figure it out. I know some people have seen the good parts of me. The person that loves to make people laugh and smile and brighten up there day. The person that wants everyone to know I am there for them no matter what. A person who wakes up everyday and thanks God that they did. Everything we have in life is a gift. For a long period of time I had forgotten that. It seems like I have been getting a lot of wake up calls telling me that I shouldn't take what I have for granted and that I should be thankful for everything. I should keep this smile on my face at all times to let people know I am okay with not everything being alright, I am okay with having everyday obstacles, I am okay with struggling with everything in life, because of the fact that I know my angels are their with me and I know everything happens for a reason. If I really think about it, I have more good than bad in my life. I have family, friends, my health, an education, love, and faith. There are so many people out in the world that are going through a lot more than me and I wish I could help them.

I looked at my parents today and remembered them telling me that I wasn't the same girl I used to be, and I thought, I might not be the same little girl, but I could change to being a better person than what I have become. Today when it was raining bad and we were at Wal-Mart there was a mother and her little girl, She was probably about 3 years old or so. and I just felt the need to help them. I walked them to their car so that they could use my umbrella. Afterwards I just felt relieved to think I helped someone out today. I could've prevented that little girl from getting sick from the rain. I just think I feel the need to start giving and stop expecting things for myself. The little girl my parents spoke of always smiled, always helped people, forgave easily, and kept a positive attitude. It seems this past year i let myself go. I went through a lot which just made me angry, and sad, and unable to trust and forgive. I don't want that. I am not saying I am gonna change by tomorrow cuz that's impossible. I have been trying to fix things for a long time and it's barely starting to hit me about other aspects that are involved. All I am saying is that I am ready to fix things. Now for those who think i am gonna be completely different, well sorry I am not. I just want to fix certain things. The past time I drank, yes I went overboard and I should've known when i passed my limit. I am still going to drink every now and then but I am not exceeding my limit anymore. As far as smoking goes, I want to quit. I don't want to anymore. It's gonna be hard, but I gotta try. Trusting is one factor that is going to take a very long time. Forgiving is something I am not ready to do, but plan to work on. It takes a lot of hard work to succeed and I can handle it. I am gaining my strength back, I know I am. There are going to be certain times when I want to quit, but I won't. Someone told me that as long as you have your family and friends you'll be okay. Cuz they'll always be there to pick you up when you get knocked down. I thank that person for showing me a lot and being there when I needed them. I believe this person came into my life for a reason and that was to show me that I am strong and can get through anything. They taught me a lot and I am grateful. Now it's time to put my new knowledge to the test and start this new journey.


Just have a little faith in me, I know I can do this.

Right now I am sitting at home enjoying the sound of the rain. I don't know why but I love the storms. I don't get scared at all. My sister on the other hand is terrified. It just started getting bad right now though. The rain is hard, the winds are strong, and the lightning is present at times.

Other then that my day has been nice. It's been relaxing and I have been getting things together for when I go back to CS. I really need to make a list of everything. My mom has been great and helping me with everything. Surprisingly my parents weren't upset about what happened this weekend. Oh, and hopefully I should be getting my phone reconnected soon. Maybe in about a week or two. That teaches me to stop using it so much or goin over my text messages. Something tells me that won't be happening as often when i get it back. =/

The beauty of meeting people and enjoying long conversations with them. =)

I just want to say thank you to those people who are there for me when I need to smile and keep myself goin. I really enjoy our conversations and you all being there for me. Thanks. *hug* Especially thank you to Ashley, Michael, and Armando. You all have helped me out a lot. love ya lots, muuaahhh, bye

What a night yesterday. Crazy conversation that I never thought I would have, sweet talks, mixed feelings, yes i was buzzin and I know I shouldn't have been, got up to 800 notecards for my work, didn't go to sleep till a little after 4am, joked around, laughed, got upset, sad, etc.....

But anyways I woke up at 10:30, got dressed, and headed off to do some shoppin for the wedding. It was my mom, sis, patty, and me. It was freakin hot but we still walked around downtown goin store to store. Now I am back home and continuing my notecards just a little under 200 to go. For sure I can finish today and finally get to Ch.6. I need to get all the way to Ch. 15 and finish all the activities so that I can take my final next monday and go to college station for the weekend. I think it would be sooo much fun if I get to go. Let's hope it all works out!!! *crosses fingers*

A day of moodswings.....

I woke up early again, ate breakfast, and headed downtown with my sister and mom. We went to do more wedding things. It was fun. When I got home I started doin my work. I am still trying to finish those damn notecards. I am no where near finishing, I am barely on 300. oh, and I finally got my stupid xanga link to work. I cooked dinner tonight. It took me about an hour but it was good. Then I went back to my work and then I took a break to play monopoly with my mom. She totally kicked my ass. Oh well. We watched "My Best Friends Wedding" while we played. I love that movie. Julia Roberts has always been my favorite actress. Anways, after that it was back to these notecards.

All day long I have been thinking about the choices I have to make and what I should do. I am still lost. I just don't know. I have spent the past hour crying because I know what was once there is now gone. I miss you soooo much you don't even understand. My days of wishing and hoping seem to be coming to an end and it's the worst feeling to know that. It's like I didn't want to picture my life without you. I love you and I always will. You were the first person I gave my heart to. I don't regret it. You were my everything and I am glad I got the chance to spend some time with you. Nothing last never. I will never truly know how you felt because everything was so messed up. But I will never be confused about how I felt. It's so fucking hard to let go and I don't want to, but I feel like I am being forced to. I can't even stop crying right now. I sit here and I wish I could see you. I wish I could look into your eyes. I wish you could hold me. I just have to concentrate each day on school and my future. I can't let anything get in the way of that.


I'll treasure every memory
Cherish every moment
Love you always
and keep you in my heart.


Songs for tonight:

Boys II Men: It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday
Boys II Men: on Bended Knee
Boys II Men: Four seasons of loneliness
Chris Perez: Selena's song
Blake Shelton: The Baby
Blake Shelton: PS if this is Austin
Mariah Carey: We Belong together
Jennifer Pena: Vivo y muero en tu piel
Jennifer Pena: Hasta el fin del mundo
Martina McBride: Concrete Angel

....and so many more

Another day that was full of things to do. I woke up around 9am and got to cleaning. It took me a good while. I didn't completely finish so i'll finish it tomorrow. Afterwards, I took a nice cold shower and got ready to leave with my sister and my mom. We went to look at invitations for the wedding. We did a few other things and then headed back home. I then left with my sis to pick up Jorge and then do a few more things on our own. We came back home and she helped me with my work. I feel like I am doing really well. I have been able to answer a lot on my own without looking at the notes or getting hints. Anyways, I want to try to get two lectures in from chapter 6 tonight but we'll see how it goes. It turns out I will be heading back to college station on the 21st for sure, in august. (if not the 19th) I should be goin to seaworld next week or the following with my sis and nephew. Then either on auguest 7 or 8th I will be heading to CS to take my final exam. I was planning to stop by in houston but i am not sure yet. it was just gonna be me and jeannie goin but my mom wants to go so it depends on what she wants to do. Either way it should be fun. =) I have really been having lots of fun with my mom. It's been just like old times. She has mentioned the fact that I've changed and I am not the same girl I used to be. Mainly the fact that I haven't been able to forgive certain people about certain things and how it's hard for me to trust now. Before I used to trust people like nothing and use to forgive them for everything, but I can't do that now. Not after everything i've gone through. I apologized and told her there were just certain things that affected me. things that just couldn't be mentioned. Anywho, I am glad we are getting our special connection back. =) Tomorrow we are suppose to watch a movie and then play monopoly, how fun!!!!! I hope I get to bed at least by 2:30 tonight, I am already tired but I am trying to finish this damn assignment. I have to answer 1000 note cards, crazyness and i am only on 100 right now =( this is gonna take forever......

It was another good day for me. I woke up at 9am, actually a little earlier because I woke up when they brought danny. (the little boy my mom takes care of). I got up and started cleaning up in the kitchen. There always seems like there is something to do. It can never just be clean. Then I took care of somethings that I had been meaning to take care of for a while. I cooked, did a few crunches, and then took a nice cold shower. I went to run a few errands with my mom and then came back home. Jeannie was here by the time i came back. We just hung out and then she helped me with my school work. My sister helped me also. Now it's time to go to bed in a while. Of course after I enjoy the stars outside. It's become like a routine to go outside for a while before I go to sleep. It just feels so nice. A nice breeze, a beautiful night, the bright moon and stars. It's just all so beautiful. I wish I had someone to share the moments with, but I can't dwell on that. I should just enjoy my life as it is. Not take anything for granted. I got some news that kind of got me worried but it just means I gotta do something about it. I have noticed my appetite has really decreased. I really didn't pay attention to it before, but now that my family is getting on my back I have noticed it. I have only been eating like once or twice a day and when I do eat I get full really fast. I can't remember the last time I finished my whole meal =/. I know I need to fix that. Tomorrow is gonna be another day full of things to do. It keeps me from being lazy =)


I have been listening to this certain song non-stop. I just can't get it out of my head. I relate to the words so much, but I know it should be kept inside. Such beautiful words, such intense feelings. All I can do is think about it

I didn't wake up at the time I planned to, but i guess 10am isn't that bad. I am just trying not to sleep past 11am anymore. I hate feeling lazy. Before college I was the one who always cleaned, helped cook, took care of things and now it's like I just sit here and don't do much. I have cleaned like once or twice, cooked dinner once, and the rest of the time nothing, except study. i hate that. So on my schedule today is to clean up the kitchen and my sisters room, since i am staying in it and my stuff is everywhere, cook dinner, and get two chapters done for my online course. and hopefully get to sleep early again. It's not so bad goin to sleep at a decent hour and waking up early. =)


Life is a gift, we must not take it for granted, especially not our family and friends.

There is soooo much I want to say, but i guess I am too scared to say it. At least right now. I know I am goin to say it soon because it's on my mind 24-7, but i need to wait for the right time and when i am sure that's what i want. It's already been written. All i would really need to do is copy and paste, but something is telling me not yet. hmm... i gotta follow what my heart is saying.



I am so sorry......



Anyways, I just came back from watching the fireworks display with my family. It was really nice. Afterwards, we popped the ones we bought. My dad thought it would be funny to throw it close to us to scare us, but the damn thing actually hit my leg. Then to top it off my nephew burned me with his sparkler. =/ I swear this hasn't been the best couple of days. Everything has just been hittin me hard, both physically and emotionally.

Nothing is right, in fact it's all fucked up.

This weekend cannot be described. Lets just stay it started off sooooo much fun and so good but things took a sharp turn. I will mention the exciting things I got to do though. We stayed at a cabin by the lake. Totally looked like the scenario in Friday the 13th. We were WAY out in the woods. No way we could've been found. I got to do like a mountain climbing thing. It was so much fun except for the part where I almost fell, that was totally scary. I even cut my leg =(. But it was cool because everyone else was too scared to climb it and I just went ahead and did it. Then some other people decided to try it. I went through the more difficult part though. I love a challenge. =) Then we went to the lake for a while and hung out. Skipped rocks. I actually made one skip like five times. i impressed myself. I could never do those stupid things. Then we went to mass in honor of my abuela. It was nice. The cool part is where they all sang happy birthday to me. =) The priest had asked if anybody had a birthday coming up and there went everyone pointing to me. I just sat there looking all nervous. Then he called me to the front of the church and had everyone sing to me and then he blessed me. =) I felt so loved. That totally made my day. Afterwards we all went out to eat. Then we all went back to my aunt's house. The grown ups drank and talked. My sister, cuz, and me were on the patio playing cards and drinking. I won almost all the games. It was funny cuz they kept getting mad. haha. Oh well, then it was back to the scary cabin. The next morning we got up at 7am so we could go on a boat ride. and who might you ask was the driver. ME!!!!!!!!!! It was awesome, my uncle actually let me drive the boat. Then we went to chill at the house again. Later on it was the volleyball tournament. so much fun. Then a water balloon fight. Family pictures. and lets just say thats where the fun ended with the whole family. Later on we popped fireworks and then went back to the cabin to pack and sleep. We left around 9:30 this morning and stopped by houston so that I could take pictures of the dress I want for my sister's wedding. We got home around 6pm. Damn that was a loonnnggg ride. My neck and back were killin me. Now I am finally home and able to relax for a while. Then it's time to study again. We plan on going to look at fireworks show and then pop some here at the house. That should be fun.

I actually went to sleep around 3am last night. Not bad. Hopefully I'll start getting to bed at least by 2am. I got a lot of work done yesterday but I am still no where near being close to catchin up. I finally got to download the "We belong together" video. I also downloaded "Cater 2 U". We are leaving today for my family reunion in lufkin. It should be a lot of fun. I am hoping to watch some old videos of past reunions. Can't wait for the basketball and volleyball competition. I am always on the winning team and I don't plan to lose any time soon. Well, I still need to pack so I better get to it. I have been taking forever to get ready because not only is it a weekend of fun and family, it's a weekend of taking pictures like every five minutes. Dont get me wrong I am not all dressed up, I am still in shorts and a t-shirt but at least my hair and makeup is done. =) Oh well, time to go. Hope everyone has a good weekend, love ya, bye!!!