This is going to be a long day. I get to spend it relaxing in my bed thanks to me being sick. =( I am so mad, I can't believe I am going to miss my game. A part of me still wants to go. Right now it looks like I won't play, but who knows maybe I will change my mind later on. I finally got some fluids and food in me. Thanks to Matt! I seriously don't know what I would do without my friends right now. Thanks guys!!! I guess I will just lay in my bed and watch tv. I feel so lonely.

My mood did get better for a while. But after a while I started feeling sick. Throughout the day I hadn't really been feeling good but I didn't really think much of it. It finally hit me once we got back from Applebees. The whole group was there. Clare, Jeannie, Greg, Ofon, Matt, Candi, and me. How fun!!!!! After they finished eating me, matt, ofon, and candi came back to the dorm. The guys went to their room and we came to chill in my room (as usual). I did okay for a couple of hours but then it hit me. I was nauseated, dizzy, light headed, everything. I felt like shit, and still do. Then I wanted some juice but didn't have money. =( I have tried to fall asleep but I just can't. I am definitely going to beutel in the morning. I don't know what's wrong with me. I am pretty sure it is exactly what my mom said. Poor eating and lack of sleep. It has caught up to me. Thanks to Matt I finally got some juice a while ago. I am kind of happy now. But I still feel horrible. Maybe a movie will help me get sleepy. But which one........

I still miss everything so much

Just when I thought my day couldn't be any better something goes and fucks it up. I always mess things up and most importantly I always fuck up when it's important. Now I will just keep to myself and hope that my mood will get better soon.

I tried studying a little more last night but I was just so exhausted that I ended up falling asleep around 3-3:30am. I guess it finally caught up on me. It wasn't a good night though. I was tossing and turning and just couldn't get comfortable. I had a lot on my mind. Anyways, I woke up around 8:30am and actually contemplated about going to class or not. I mean of course I had to go because of my stupid test. I really almost didn't go though. I think God gave me the strength and courage to get up and go. I am just so out of it this morning. I mean I am completely not even paying attention to anything. I almost got hit by a bus today, that's pretty bad. Well, the worst part of my day is over with, at least I hope. I have a really long day ahead of me. I gotta go talk to my prof right now and then hopefully I can get in a nap before going to class. After class, I have to get some information for my project, finish my math homework, read, do my fasfa, and then I have a review from 8-10:00. Then I gotta study for another test tomorrow. Aren't I so lucky. Oh well, I do have something on my mind that is just keeping me going. I love when I can't stop smiling. =) I have missed these types of fellings, these wonderful moments. =)



"Good Morning Beautiful" - Blake Shelton
"All Over Me" - Blake Shelton
"Ten thousand Angels Cried" - Leanne Rimes
"The Light In Your Eyes" - Leanne Rimes



"Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."

They say the best things come to those who wait. That is soooo true. Sometimes those things just seem to good to be true. =)

OMG. Today has just been crazy. But I am getting through it so that's good. After kickboxing I went to shoot around for a while and then came back to the dorm. Ashley came to hang out for a while and then Jeannie came over. We just chilled and listened to some music. I am going to be so sore from todays workout. It was kind of tough mainly cuz we did a lot of work on our arms and I have like no upper body strength. I gotta work on that. I cleaned my room and then got some stuff together for school. Then I laid in my bed. I tried to take a nap, but like these past few days I just couldn't. I don't know what's wrong with me. I am just having so much trouble sleeping. =( I really hope I get some rest tonight. I have a lot of studying to do though. Well, at least I SHOULD get some studying done. I already did my math homework so that was a start. Now i need to look over my notes for animal nutrition. I plan to watch my favorite movie tonight, hopefully I get the chance to.

Well the day started off okay, but as of right now it just went down hill. My stress level just went way up and my emotional state is not doing too good. Hopefully I will do better in the afternoon or at least the evening. Someone told me I shouldn't hide, but that's all I feel like doing right now. Maybe I will, maybe I won't.


Please let something bring my spirits up today....

Ugh, it's too early. Next year I am definitely getting classes at a later time. I stayed up till about 4 or 4:30 just laying in my bed. By the time I felt like I had fallen asleep there went my alarm. Oh well, c'est la vie. Time for class!!!! Joy.

It's been such a good night. I went to the commons with Candi earlier. Got myself a mocha and an ice cream. =) (that's probably why i got in such a good mood) Anyways, we decided just to come back. I would study and she would do stuff on the computer. I had a lot of good conversations today. It's been really hard to take this smile off my face, but then again why do I want it off. I think God answered my prayers when I asked him to help me get my mind off the hard things right now. They never left my mind but I didn't feel overwhelmed by them for the night. I really should sleep but I am not that tired yet. I will keep studying until i fall asleep.

It's times when I think about things that I have NO patience. I hate these times. I feel exactly the way I did last night. I need to keep my mind off it and just focus on studying. Hopefully I can. Maybe a game of pool will relax my mind.

I finally went to sleep at about 6am. It was so hard to fall asleep. Everytime I would close my eyes I would feel this ugly feeling inside or I would see things that I just didn't want to see. I hope I get some sleep tonight. Maybe I will watch a movie to keep my mind off it. After I study of course. I woke up at 7:30 thinking I had class at 8am. I don't know what I was thinking. I slept for about an hour more and then went to class. I was totally falling asleep. I came back and took a nap. Got up around 12:30 to go to my meeting. I am really glad I went. It helped me out tons. Hopefully things will start getting better for me soon. Now I am about to get ready to go to Math and then I will come back and study. I don't know what I would do without my friends. It felt good to have someone there comforting me last night. I think if i would have stayed alone I would have had a major breakdown, but I didn't, and I am thankful for that.

Why are most life lessons learned the hard way?

I love Sister Act 2!!!! It's such a great movie. It really helped me get my mind off things. But now I am back in my room. Free to think about everything, even the bad things. I WILL try to focus on good things though. Good memories that still put a smile on my face.

I'll miss you, but I know that you are in heaven with God and that you are at peace. You will always be in my heart

Things i was grateful for this weekend:

• family
• friends
• food
• smiles
• laughs
• stories
• ice cream
• memories
• games
• movies
• water balloon fights
• Easter eggs

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY LIFE!!!!!

Thank you God for giving me strength and for letting me wake up to another beautiful day!!!!

Cherish life because it can be taken from you in a second

where to start? Well, Thursday was filled with a lot of tears. But I finally got myself together so that I could pack and get ready to go home. Clare took me to get an ice cream. Thanks Greg!! =) Everyone knows that ice cream makes me feel better. haha. Anyways the trip home was okay. Thought a lot about the night before and things that were said, but Jeannie and Clare helped me get my mind off it. We finally got home around midnight, i think. It felt so good to see my family. I am truly glad I went home. I was so close to staying here, but thank God I didn't. Friday was good. I spent a lot of time with my nephew, mom, and sister. We went to go get my phone reconnected THANK GOD =) Then we took my nephew to the carnival. That was fun. Except for the point where my mom and sister made me get on this ride with Isaiah which totally made me sick. well not really sick but damn that thing did go fast. It did make me laugh though. Then we got a funnel cake which was delicious. Later my sister decided to pour all the white powder on my favorite black shirt. I wanted to kill her. Then i found out it was my mom's idea so i was going to get them both back later. and i did =) That was hilarious. Okay anyways. Later on that night I played a few games with them and then watched The Incredibles with Isaiah. That was such a cute movie. I am glad I finally got to see it. I stayed up and watched a movie with my daddy and then finally fell asleep at about 4:30am. I woke up the next day to the smell of breakfast. Absolutely delicious. Then went out with my sister to run some errands. At night I went out with my sis and her fiance. We went to shoot pool. I had so much fun. I was on a winning streak until I lost for scratching on the 8 ball =( stupid 8 ball. Anyways, I learned some cool new tricks so I can't wait to try them out. I got home around 3:30 or so and then fell asleep at around 5am. Today was hectic. I woke up around 9:30am. Took a shower and got ready for church. I loved church. Especially when they played my favorite song. They said a lot of things that really hit me. But then again church has a habit of all always doing that. Anyways, i went home and got ready to see my grandmother. I missed her sooo much. At first my sister wasn't going to let me go, but my dad convinced her. So i went to my Aunt's house and spent time with everybody. Had a really good conversation with my grandma. We cracked eggs and then picked up. I had to rush home though cuz i only had an hour to spend with my family before leaving. My dad was making a carne asada for me which was delicious. I love my daddy!!! We all cracked eggs there at my house and had a water gun fight. =) totally fun. Then it was time to leave =( For once I wasn't ready to come back. But i had no choice. Oh well, it was good while it lasted.

Like always I had my share of ups and downs. The major downer of my trip hasn't really hit me yet. I have cried a few times, but I know it's going to hit me soon. And then i will be left here crying trying to think of the good things. I owe a huge thanks to a really good friend of mine. He gave me some advice the night before I left and I decided to take it. Things went good. I was actually able to open up to my mom and sister and talk to them about a few things. It's good to have your family there to support you. It's also good to know that I do have my friends here to help me out. Thanks everyone!!!!! I hope everyone had a HAPPY EASTER!!!! =)

how do you stand after being thrown to the grown and stepped on so many times?

Last night was one of the worst nights I have had this past couple of months. Normally I wouldn't let anybody know how I was feeling. I am so used to doing things on my own, standing on my own that I don't bother letting anybody help me. But it was different last night. You never know who are truly your good friends until they stand by you and make sure you are okay. They sit there and listen to you no matter what. It's good to know that I have some friends out there that I can come to. I ended up crying myself to sleep. I woke up this morning and just laid in bed. Not wanting to get up and live this day. I just didn't want to feel this pain anymore. But I had to be strong. The words of my good friend stuck in my head. I just keep replaying eveything he said in my mind so that I can get up and be strong. After how much I cried last night you would think that I wouldn't cry anymore, but I was wrong. I spent most of my time this morning crying. Constance came in to do something instead I opened up and just talked to her. I showed how weak I was and just started crying my eyes out again. How am I going to get through this weekend without showing my parents that I am hurting so much? Somehow I will put it off, i don't know how but I have to find a way. Who knows how these next couple of days are gonna go for me, all I know is that I am in the point to not caring right now. I feel so dead inside, so lost. I have to remember what has been said to me and keep staying strong. There are people out there who are going through worse things. I need to stop feeling this way and be happy for what I have.

Happy Easter everybody!!! I hope everyone has a great weekend!!!

Live simply so that others may simply live.

I took a loonnnnggg nap this afternoon so i know i will definitely be up ALL night. Oh well, my fault. Anyways, today has just been a very good day. I got up from my nap, then me and candi got ourselves all cute so that we could take pictures. =) That was fun. Afterwards, we went to go see clare's horse and the baby. It was Ofon, Jeannie, Candi, and me. We tried to get tickets to the game around 6:20 but they weren't going to start selling them until 7. So me and candi walked back to change into some pants cuz it was getting cold. Then Ofon and Jeannie came to pick us up and take us to the game. It was an exciting game. I am glad I went. It just sux that we lost. Stupid mistakes and bad calls. Anyways, after the game all of us, including matt, went to wal mart and then to sonic's. I was so hungry. We came back to the dorm, which we had to wait outside for a good while thanks to a fire drill. Now I am finally back in my room. Have no clue of what to do. I don't have anything to study for. Thank God I get to go home tomorrow!! =) Maybe being away from here will help me out.

why does this happen?

Alright the worst part of my day is over. I got up at 8am, got dressed, and went to class. I got my exam over with. I am not completely sure how i did though, but I can't stress about it anymore. Now for a short nap.

Something tells me this is going to be a very good day. =)

Finally I can go to bed. I guess three hours of sleep isn't bad. I will definitely need a nap after class tomorrow but i don't know if i will get the chance to. I have so many things that need to be done. I hope I do good on my exam. I need to get a good grade. Wish me luck!!!!!


It's funny how you can notice the smallest changes. It's always those small things you miss the most.

I wish I could go to sleep already but I have a lot to study for tomorrow's minor exam. =( I went to Denny's with Clare, Greg, and Jeannie and studied for about 3 hrs. There were some good laughs. I really needed something to get my mind off certain things. I definitely just needed to laugh and smile. =) I have really been into my music today. I love it!!!! Tomorrow should be a good day once I get my exam over with.

So many thoughts running through my head. So many memories. Every single one of them just bringing a smile to my face. =)

One of the worst things in life is miscommunication. The obstacle is finding out what you can do to fix it once all the damage is done?

It's the simplest things that can make your world a bit brighter.
It's the showing of affection from someone else that puts a smile on my face.
It's the sound of a particular voice that makes me feel secure.
It's the presence of a special person that makes me feel like i am in heaven.



Has everything been lost?

Why did I take a nap? Damn it. Now I am going to be up ALL night. Oh well, that's what I get.

So i was right. I did have a lot of energy for kickboxing. Except when we got to doing our sit ups and push ups. She wanted us to do a test so that way we wouldn't fall back because of spring break. I did better though. I did my 55 sit ups in 2 minutes and 70 push ups in 2 minutes. That is a HUGE improvement from last time. =) Then me and Erin went to play basketball afterwards. I couldn't really hit any shots at first because my arms were killing me from all the push ups. But i am proud of myself. Today has been good, with the exception of a few minor things, but hopefully they will get better. Sux that I can't do anything about it though. I have played my part. Let's see what fate wants to do now.

I am doin so so so good!!!!!!! =) I am in a really good mood right now. I think I am going to be completely energetic at the rec. It's days like this that I just love being me.

I woke up this morning and decided that I had to do a few more changes. I needed to get my self esteem back up. I got up with enough time to get dressed and fixed up. I have to admit I looked good. I forgot how good it felt to get so much attention. I walked to my class and was just like damn. =)

Today started off really bad. In fact, I was in a bad mood all the way up until the rec. I still didn't feel in the mood to talk to anybody, but I acted like I was okay. Then I came back to the dorm around 6:15. I relaxed, took a shower, and then went to probate with Matt. It was amazing. I mean I absolutely loved it. I definitely want to go to one of those again. Afterwards, Me and Matt came back to the commons to play some pool. I didn't play that good, but then again I haven't played good in a long while so I can't really complain. Now I am back in my room just relaxing. I thought I had a paper due, but now that I think about it I don't. My notes are at Clare's house so that sux beause now I can't study for animal nutrition. Oh well, I guess I just have to put in a couple of more hours of studying tomorrow. I am really glad this day has gotten a slight bit better. I am definitely going to be sore again tomorrow since I did weights today. My arms are going to be killing me. =( Oh well, i needed to work out. I will probably focus on just basketball tomorrow afternoon. Tomorrow is going to be a long day. I won't get my usual nap. =( I have to go to my first class, go talk to my math prof, come back and change for kickboxing, go to class, work out, come take a shower, and then start studying.

Today has also been one of those days where i just can't stop thinking about all sorts of things. I have caught myself lost in a thought more than five times already. So many questions. Different options. Different paths. I never know what road to take. It's like somebody just picked me up and through me in this maze where I am stuck and I can't figure out how to get out. Every turn I take there is something there to stop me. A challenge or some sort of obstacle. Something that prevents me from going on. It pushes me down, scares me, and makes me want to quit. Quitting is not a choice for me though. I have to keep fighting it. This is just a phase and I have to keep telling myself that. Somewhere along the way God will send me an angel to help me out. To show me a light in this horrible darkness. Why do I feel so alone lately? I feel like no one is there to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. I think that's what hurts the most. This emptiness. This feeling of being left alone and not being cared about.

Damn I am so freaking sore this morning. I feel totally bruised all over. Last night was fun. I went to the rec and played ball with the guys. At first Greg was just helping me with my post moves. That actually gave me a good little workout because he made play some hard defense. Then we played a game of 21, which at first i was doing really good but then sucked towards the end. I won our game of horse. I decided to take a shot from between the half court line and the three point line for my last shot. Somehow I made three in the row. It felt good. =) Then we played another game of 21 which I just did horribly in. I fucking hated how bad I played. It frustrates me how lazy I have gotten and how bad I am playing. I need so much work done. =( My goal is to get back in shape and start playing better than ever. The guys are really helping me out so that's good for me. I plan to go to the rec again later today. I need to keep up a good schedule. I also have to start getting more sleep. I was doing okay for a while, but then I just let go. I am in need of some major self discipline.


Sometime during our fun night of basketball I got hit under my jaw which left me completely bruised. It hurts sooooo much. I didn't really say much. I did keep touching it though cuz it was really bothering me. I always manage to hurt myself in some way.

Today has been good. Got to hang out with Jeannie and the guys. I missed all of them, except greg, jk. I cleaned my room today and then went to IHOP with Jeannie. I had been craving that for a while. It was so good. It took us forever to decide whether we wanted breakfast, lunch, or dinner. We ended up getting breakfast though. I am about to go to the rec and play some basketball. My skills need work.

I woke up feeling so sore today. I didn't think I was going to wake up till about 2 or something, but I guess I was wrong. I have no clue what to do. I need to set up my schedule again, start studying, and see what I have planned for this week with school. I think I have two tests this week. Ugh, I really need to study. And definitely start going to the rec a lot more. I have so much I need to work on. Weights, running, basketball, everything.

It's so funny how you can go from sad to happy in just a few moments. Sadly it can be the other way too. But for me I went from sad to happy so I am good. =)

You ever feel like there is someone just waiting for you to mess up? Like they are wishing that you never make your goals come true? and all you want to do is prove them wrong and show them that you are strong. I need to prove so many people wrong, but as much as I want to do that I keep telling myself it's not about proving them wrong. It's about making yourself happy. Living the way YOU want to live. Doing the things YOU love. Nobody else in the world matters. Of course, there are your family, friends, and God but other than that you shouldn't worry about what other people think.

Damn it I won't get to see the Sixers vs. Cavaliers game tonight but i hope the sixers win. They need this win because they are tied with Orlando for the eigth playoff spot. Please let them win!!!! It's good thing that Iverson is playing tonight. Last time they played Iverson had 31 pts. Lets hope he has another good game tonight. *crosses fingers* I wish I could watch the game =( Seattle better beat Orlando and Houston better beat Boston. So many games tonight and i won't get to see any ;(

I went to bed around 3:30am last night. Not so bad considering I had been going to bed around 5 or 6 the past week. I woke up around 6:30 because of Rioke (however you spell it). And then to clare screaming on the phone. I love you clare!!! I hate it cuz most of the time when I wake up in the morning I can't go back to sleep. So I got up and made myself some breakfast and continued reading my book. I am only on chapter 4 but hopfeully I will get up to at least chapter 10 by the end of this week. I guess I will study for a while and then watch Days of Our Lives. I have to be at Katie's house around 1:30 so we can leave by 1:45. I woke up feeling sick this morning. I am thinking it's just all this nervousness I am feeling. I need to calm down and just relax.

I am so tired right now. I think i will head to bed in a little while. i just have to wait for my clothes to dry and then pack them up. I did a little more studying a while ago. I am tired of studying though so I think I am going to read my book right now. I have been wanting to continue reading it the past couple of days but haven't had time. I can feel my heart beating so fast because i am so anxious and nervous about the tournament. I can't think too much though cuz that's when I mess up. I just need to play my game and have fun. I am really upset though that none of my family is coming. I was really looking forward to that, but I can't do anything about it so I need to stop thinking about it. I just need to do good. I am really happy that some people are going to see me though. =) Alright well time to read a little and then get some beauty sleep. Goodnight and sweet dreams!!!!!!

Wish me luck!!!

*Why is it people ask questions that don't have a "real" answer?*

How sad. Iverson has a broken finger. =( But he did extremely well against the Lakers. He had 36 pts, 9 assists, 5 rebounds, 3 steals, 10-22 FG, and went 14-15 at the line. Like I have always said. He is one of the best and toughest players in the NBA. =)

Today has gone by pretty fast. I went to sleep late last night so i didn't even wake up unitl 2. I got up and called clare to see what she was doing. she was planning to go study so i told her i would go with her. We went to sonic to get some food and then to sweet eugene (however you spell it) and studied for about 2 hrs. I am glad i did cuz i understood some stuff a lot better now. I still have a long way to go before I completely understand the material though. Afterwards, I went to the horse center with clare to check on Nu Ray. I love the horse center. The horses are so beautiful. anyways, she needed to wait there to ask chris some questions so i came back to my room to get all my stuff. i need to do some laundry at her house and i plan to do more studying before this weekend. I know i wont get anything done during the weekend since my mind will be set on basketball. Damn these past couple of weeks went by fast. I was kind of upset earlier cuz my parents said they might not be able to go. I hope my brother goes though. I always do good when he is around. I would just be happy knowing that someone i cared about was there to support me. Anyways i need to go. Let's hope this weekend goes good. =) Time to go study. It's kind of hard to study though when you are trying to figure out a riddle. Thanks Matt =p

These past couple of days have been so much fun. Olivia came to pick me up Monday night and we went to houston and just hung out at her house for the night. Matt came over and we all watched Shrek 2. I had been wanting to see that movie for a while. It was a good movie. That was it for the night. The next day Olivia and me went to Galveston. We went to the beach and stayed there for like 20 minutes, it was too cold to stay. We walked "the strand" and ate at Fudruckers. OMG. that sucked so much since i couldn't eat a hamburger. I was ready to order one too until i remembered at the last second that I gave them up. =( We went back to houston and went to the Galleria. YAY!!! That's my favorite place. =) Then we chilled at her house until going to dinner with her mother. We went to eat suishi. Of course I didn't eat sushi though. I ate some chicken teriyaki (I don't know how to spell it). I was so excited cuz i ate with chopsticks. =) that was fun. Later at night we went to the movies. The plan was to go at 9:50pm but we were nice and waited till 10:30 so that Matt could go with us. We saw Be Cool. It was a funny movie. Afterwards, we chilled at Olivia's house and watched The Italian Job, i think that's what it was called. I didn't wake up until 12:30pm today. I finally got sleep. I took a shower and got ready. We went to go eat some hot dogs for lunch and then went to shoot pool before I left. I love houston, it's so much fun. There is only 3 days left until my tournament. I can't wait. I am so excited and nervous and everything. haha. I have faith that everything will be okay though. I pray that I do good. I have so much to do tomorrow. I was gonna go back to houston tomorrow but i doubt that is going to happen. I will just wait until Friday.

Life is full of unexpected things.

So it turns out I am going to houston tonight. HOW FUN =) Olivia and I were talking earlier and she mentioned how she wanted to go to Galveston but nobody else wanted to go. i was like, "shit I would go if I had a place to stay and money." Then she said that she would come for me. At first I thought she was kidding but she was serious so i was like okay cool. I called my momma and i was like mom can you send me some money so i can go to Galveston. And she said okay. Then it actually clicked to me, Hey i am going to houston tonight. =) Anyways, I went to the rec and played a couple of pick up games. Won both of them. Had a few good shots like yesterday. I did alright. I need to do a lot better before this coming weekend. Now I am at Clares. I just got out of the shower. I am gonna eat and then go back to the dorm and pack. I hope these next couple of days are exciting cuz I need something to distract me and bring my spirits up.

I have no clue what was wrong with me last night. So the plan was to go to sleep early. I laid in my bed around 1 am and just laid there for like 4 hours until I actually fell asleep. I listened to music, i watched Cinderella, then Beauty and The Beast, but nothing seemed to get me sleepy. I think I finally fell asleep around 5am. Then lucky me got to be woken up by my phone around 8:15am. I was like who the hell is calling me this early. It turned out to be Brandy asking me if I wanted to go with her to get a ticket for the NIT game and I was like hell yeah. There is no way I am missing that game. Well both games. The women's is at five and the guys is at 7. how exciting =) Anyways, I went back to sleep afterwards and woke up around 12:30. Watched Days of Our Lives for a while and then took like an hour nap. I told myself last night that I wanted to make like a list of things to do daily so I made myself a little schedule. Hopefully I will follow it.

Questions?????

As things in life start changing you can't help but go back in time and wonder why certain things occured. We always have questions about different subjects and lately the subject has been relationships or what "seem to be" relationships. It has come to my attention that there are so many girls, and guys, who go through the same situation over and over again and never know what to do. First of all, I am no expert so I can't really say what should and should not be done. Especially since I can't even answer my own questions. What I will say is all of our opinions, well the opinions of the people I have spoken to.

Okay, so the first question that is usually asked is, "Would going out with someone new help me get over the other person?" Obviously it seems like a good idea, but it's not. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to the person you are trying to date. You will constantly keep thinking of the person you want to be with and be wishing that they were there instead. So basically, if you want to get over somebody you are better off doing it on your own. Second question, "What went wrong, did I do something to make it all go away?" Okay that's two questions, but anyways; Blaming yourself isn't going to get you anywhere. What's done is done. Now you can try to make up for it, but only if the person gives you that second chance. The only way to truly know why something went wrong is to ask the person. Whether they are being honest or not is up to you to find out. Third question, "Should I keep holding on?" That is a difficult question to answer. It depends on you and the person and how the relationship was or is. If your heart is telling you to hold on and keep faith alive then that's what you should do. Especially if you love each other and know that you all make each other happy. If your heart is screaming at you saying to keep hope alive then follow your instincts. If something tells you it won't work out then it's better to just try to move on. As painful as it is, it must be done. You can't keep wishing and hoping for something that may never be there. Fourth question, "What do you do when someone tells you they need time and that they are going through difficult things right now?" This goes back to following your heart. If you truly believe that waiting around will eventually pay off then go for it. Either way you need to be there for that person, even if it is only as friends. Think about it. Do you want someone who is giving you their all or just half. Because if they are going through hard times then they aren't really being themselves. Instead they are being secretive and are hiding from the world. If you want to be with them show them that you care and that you are there for them. But if something tells you that they will never be ready or that there isn't any chance then be there for them as a friend and try to move on. Last question, "If you all have been in a relationship and then went backwards into the "talking" stage, is saying you miss them and that you want to spend time with them okay, after the person has told you they need space?" This one isn't so easy to answer, but some things that were stated are; if the person told you they needed space then you need to back off and keep your emotions to yourself. I know it hurts and that sometimes you just want to cry, but you need to respect their wishes. Show them you care in different ways. Such as a phone call just to say hi or a hug to show them that you still care. Just little things. Cause remember it is the little things that count the most.

Friday night was fun until the end. I just started getting all these thoughts in my head and wanted to leave. Except I didn't want to be rude and say I wanted to go. So I waited for a while and then finally said I was ready. I got back to the dorm and Greg came over to hang out for a while. We had a really good long conversation. It felt good to be able to talk to somebody and have them understand what you are going through. Thanks Boy Genius =p I finally fell asleep around 7am. Didn't wake up till about 6pm. =/ Anyways, yeah me and greg noticed something. We treat each other like brother and sister. Should I feel lucky to have a brother like figure like greg, uhm NO. Jk. =p

Yeah so as for as saturday goes I really didn't do anything much. I was gonna go out but decided to stay in. I started watching The Notebook but I couldn't finish it. It just kept bringing back too many painful memories. I caught myself just staring outside my window remembering so many good times. Okay, I need to stop. Next subject.

So it's Sunday now. I woke up around 3pm. Yeah this needs to stop as well. Good sleeping schedule starts today. And I mean it. I plan to go to bed by at least by 1am. I hadn't gone to bed until like 5am last night. I went upstairs to chill with greg for a while. I was starving. Surprisingly, I ate some Chinese food. I started getting use to it a little. But don't think that I will ever suggest eating chinese food. that will never happen.

I fell asleep listening to the sweetest songs. I don't know whether I want to keep having the memories or just put them behind me. At least when i think of all the good times I am smiling rather than just feeling empty. I had to clear my mind so i went to the rec and played about 5 pick up games. I hit a few good shots. I need to go everday this week and keep playing since my tournament is only 6 days away. OOOOH HOW EXCITING!!!!!!! =)

Well, now i am at clares. i came to eat dinner over here. It was good. Now i am about to take a shower and just relax. I am pretty tired so chances are I will fall asleep early for sure. I know i said i didn't wake up till about 3, but i couldn't really fall asleep. I kept having nightmares and thinking about all sorts of things. Stupid nightmare. It had me scared half to death. I even locked my door. For people who know me, you know i harldy ever lock it. I stayed laying there with my eyes open too scared to shut them. I didn't want to continue that nightmare. It felt too real. I even had tears in my eyes. It sucks that I had no one to call or anyone to talk to. =( But anyways, that's just the way things are now. I hope i sleep better tonight.

It's the smallest things that mean the world to us.

Okay I just wanted to say I was wrong. It's not even close to being cold outside. The temperature tricked me. Anyways, it's a good thing I went to class because he gave us a random quiz. Just when I thought I was completely done he has to pull that on us. Ugh, but I think I did pretty good so it doesn't bother me that much. Totally starving right now. Lately, I feel like I am always hungry. I gotta stop that. Now to decide whether I should take a nap or stay awake.

How sad!! Everyone is leaving today =(

I hope everyone has a safe and fun trip!!! Love ya guys, bye bye!!! Keep me in mind =p I'll miss you!!

I wish I could stay laying in my bed. I guess I shouldn't complain seeing how I only have this class to go to and then I am done and ready for my long awaited spring break. It's only a 50 min class, I can handle this. Omg. its 54 degrees outside, so cold. Oh well, time to get ready for class.

Only one week away, ooh how exciting!!!!! =)

So I decided to change my screen name on aim also. I am just starting new with everything. I feel pretty good right now. I just got through watching You Got Served with Candi. =) Such a good movie. I wish I could dance like that but who am i kidding. haha. Last night was so much fun. It felt good to just hang out with everyone. I keep myself in my room too much. We are all getting together tomorrow again. Except Candi and Jeannie won't be there =( How sad. We'll miss you guys. I have too much energy right now. That's what I get for sleeping all day. As Matthew would do, *shakes head*. haha.


I am happy I have my smile back. =)

I have been saying lately how I needed to change. That I needed to go back to the person I used to be. Truth is, she is mostly gone. I can be someone better though. I can have back some of things, but others must be made new. It's hard to start over and forget things. I don't plan on forgetting that many things because there were a lot of memories that I cherish. I will build on those memories and begin my new journey. I have already begun to be a person that I know I will be okay with. It's going to take a while for me to completely begin this new phase, but I have the patience.

LOVE AND FEAR

Love is something that not everyone gets the privilege of experiencing.
It is known as the best and worse feeling possible.
All my life I have known love to be the greatest gift in the world and that it should not be taken for granted.
Love is now one of my greatest fears.
I took a chance at it and my heart got broken.
For moments I believed that him and love were the greatest gifts in the world.
Now I am scared to take another chance
Scared to trust anyone with my feelings.
Scared to let them take one step into my life.
You go through life observing the people around you and their relationships, seeing only what you choose to see
Remember the saying, "Don't judge a book by its cover."
Well don't think that a couple is truly happy because of what they diplay in public.
Deep down inside they can be feeling heartache and pain because they know in their heart that everything is not alright.
Don't get me wrong, Love is truly a beautiful thing and everyone should have the opportunity to experience it once in their life.
You know you love someone when you realize that everything in your life is okay.
That even though there is evil in the world you are safe with them.
But most importantly you know you love someone when their life becomes more precious than your own.

For The Ladies

So we have all heard each of us say at one point that we NEED a certain guy in our lives to be happy. Well, I hope we all know that this isn't true. I was discussing this with my best friend and it's not that we NEED them but that having them share our lives with us is just amazing. There is one guy out there that can help us look beyond certain things and see the beauty within. They show us a different world and when we are with them we love them for doing so. We love them for just being there and wanting to be right next to us. We can go on with our lives not having the guy we want "right now" and be okay. Yes it is heartbreaking but it's not like our world will end. Find a guy who will cherish every moment with you, who will treat you like a princess, who will take you for walks and just enjoy your voice and your smile. Who will devote his time to making you happy and to making your lives together a dream come true. Just remember that even though at one point you see the guy you love and you yourself can picture your life with them, yet they can't, it's not the end of the world. You must learn to survive and keep going. Because the only reason you loved that person and wanted to spend your life with them is because they helped you see the world in a better way, not because you needed them to live on. I pray that every lady out there who sees the man they love everyday will be happy and get to live their lives together as one. If the situation is that you love that person and they don't feel the same way, then cherish the memories and enjoy their friendship. You will find someone else out there that will help you see even more amazing things in the world.